Why I Left My Hospital Psychologist Position to Become a Full Time Equity Diversity & Inclusion Consultant

7 months ago today, I left my full time staff psychologist position at the VA to pursue my solo consulting business in the areas of anti-oppression, equity, inclusion and liberation.

I grew up professionally at the VA, spending the last 4 years as staf and the 3 years prior as a trainee, predoctoral intern, and postdoctoral fellow. Working as a psychologist in the VA is not for the faint of heart; words can’t describe how grateful I am to the colleagues, mentors, supervisors, and peers who trained me, molded me, challenged me, laughed with me, cried with me, and loved me. 

I owe an even greater debt to the Veterans: tough, witty, challenging, loyal, frustrating, funny, scarred, kind, lost, found, sweet, and brave, brave, brave. Brave enough to enlist and go, and then brave enough to sit and share with a young woman they’d never met before. So many lessons learned and even more which, I have a feeling, have yet to be revealed to me. Thank you.

The decision to leave was not an easy one but I got quiet with myself one day last winter and realized it was time. The social and political events of recent years and the predictable yet sickening oppressive backlash to social progress made it perfectly clear to me that my work needed to shift from my values of social justice — working within the system — to liberation: dismantling the system to build a new one. 

Thanks to a referral from a dear colleague (shoutout Dr. Candice Nicole!), I started with my first consulting client at the end of last year, running healing from racial trauma groups with their ethnic minority employee resource groups. Since moving into consulting full time, I’ve continued my work with the same organization in both a learning & development and advisory capacity, and have also worked with additional corporations, non-profits, an elementary school, and most recently and very interestingly, an out-of-state historical association. The learning curve is steep on one hand and on the other hand: people are people. Psychology reminds me of that. 

As a psychologist, I know what makes us tick and hurt and shut down, but I also know what motivates us to keep going. As an expert in equity, diversity and inclusion, I know why organizations remain exclusionary for too long, and how to support them in authentically and truly giving everyone a seat at the table. As a consultant, my goal is to support orgs in re-imagining and building the inclusive workplace culture they want, so that they eventually no longer need me. 

My offerings are a culmination of 22 years of school, 1 year of post doc, a lifetime of reading and curiosity and unlearning and decolonizing and speaking up, my lived experience as a light-skinned biracial Black woman with many many privileges, years of therapy (on both sides of the couch), spiritual healing, dream work, somatic work, language learning, abroad living, conference attendance, podcast listening, writing, meditating, intentional (and not so intentional) engagement with social media, activism, advocacy, governance, and finally, humor as my very best medicine. This is my life’s work.

I realized recently what a loss it is that someone has to be a part of some type of company or organization in order to experience this aspect of my work, or similar work done by my colleagues. So one month from today I will be offering a FREE webinar on all things anti-oppression, diversity, equity, inclusion and liberation. Consider this a primer, a foundation, an invitation to deepen your anti-oppression mindset, and support you on your journey to liberation. 

This is about spreading the learning and ideas I’ve been privileged to receive and form, and about co-creating an experience of learning and imagination in community.

I truly truly hope to see you there. 

Let’s get free.

My Year Long Daily Instagram Challenge: Daily Meditations for WOC

As of 12/31/19, the first draft of my first book - Daily Meditations for Women of Color - is complete and available on...Instagram at @dailymeditations_for_woc! Weren’t expecting me to say Instagram? Let me explain…

At the end of 2018, I noticed yet another space where the voices of women of color were left out/forgotten/purposefully ignored/erased: daily meditation/intention books.

Based on my research, the works I found largely reflected male and/or white voices as the arbiters of wisdom (in the form of the daily quote). When people of color and/or women were cited in the daily quote, it was often done in a generalized, impersonal fashion (e.g. “African proverb”, “Buddhist saying”), or in ways that perpetuate a colonialist/capitalistic mentality with ideas like humans dominating the earth. Exclusionary at worst; stereotypical and tokenized at best — I knew I could do better.

I wanted a daily practice that reflected voices like mine and that spoke to my intersectional experience as a woman of color. I also knew that such a work’s resonance would not be limited to only women of color.

So, on January 1, 2019, I opened a brand new Instagram account and challenged myself to find a quote from a woman of color, to write a reflection/meditation based on the idea in that quote, to post to Instagram, and to do so every single day of the year. I knew that having to post daily would hold me accountable to actually doing it, but I still had no idea if I could. It felt scary and daunting and I could not conceive of an entire year where I stuck with something Every. Single. Day.

There were some days when finding the quote was easy and the caption just flowed, and then there were days when it took what felt like ages to find something I liked, days where I truly couldn’t keep my eyes open and all I could manage in the caption was one line and en emoji. On days when I was traveling, I had to get creative if I was going to be in the air when midnight hit. And some days, I just flat our didn’t want to do it - being tired, or sick, or simply feeling uninspired. But I pushed through and truly learned the meaning of ‘a day at a time’ this year by embodying it through my daily posts. I also learned about my process as a writer — that often the best ideas come simply by starting, not by thinking, and how true this lesson is for so many things in life.

The most unexpected and magical change I experienced was that the amazing women of color I learned about through this work started to create the richest tapestry of ideas and connections in my mind. So much so, that when a patient, client, friend, or family member would tell me about a problem or dilemma they were experiencing, I started to easily respond with “there’s a quote for that”.

My quotes followed a four step rotation with the sequence: Black, Native, Asian, Latina. I did my best to include voices of women from all over the world, however there is definitely a bias toward U.S. Americans. I repeated some of the same women (however not in the same month), but every quote is unique. I also looked to include transgender women, and in my second draft will be working to increase inclusion in that respect.

As This Bridge Called My Back featured writings by radical women of color and pushed for a more inclusive, decolonized, intersectional feminism, I hope that that this work provides a space where radical women of color, who are continuing to fight for such a feminism, can be seen and can rest. Sisters, in seeing our own voices, struggles, wisdom, humor, vitality, resilience, and joy reflected back to us, may we be supported in accessing our highest selves, living unapologetically out loud, and in, ultimately, getting free. My wish for non WOC readers is the same...and that, in reading voices that are different than yours, perhaps you come to new understandings and envision new possibilities for how life can be lived.

My plan is to turn this work into a book, but in the meantime, I had one follower say she is going to go back to the 1/1/2019 post and start journaling/meditating daily on each entry. I thought that was a great idea, which I hadn’t considered. Depending on your phone and operating system, if you’re so inclined, it shouldn’t be too hard to scroll back to my very first post from last year and do the same. Feedback WELCOME!

Wishing you all a happy, health, and expansive 2020 and beyond, filled with much love, pleasure and axé.

Emotions As Messengers

The Mental Masseuse, as the title for my blog, was born out of the idea that therapy is like a massage for the mind: uncomfortable, tender, and painful at times, invigorating, relieving and refreshing at others, you ultimately leave in a different state than when you entered. What if we cared for our minds just like we care for our bodies? We go to the doctor, the dentist, the hair stylist, the aesthetician, and the personal trainer. We have been socialized to address our physical well-being, but a stigma remains over addressing our emotional well-being. Our psychological selves are too often left by the wayside, fed with pop culture mantras like “Just think positive”, “Just be happy”, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”.  While these messages may be helpful in small doses, there’s a larger underlying belief implied in many of these sayings that indicates that there is something bad, wrong, or unnecessary with uncomfortable or challenging feelings.

Our very real and, most importantly, our very human emotions of sadness, fear, anger, worry, regret, guilt, and shame, to name just a few, are often denied — banished as unwanted parts of ourselves; as such, we miss out on the very important messages these emotions send. Feeling sad? Shows that something is or was important to you. Worried? There’s probably something you need to pay attention to. Feeling guilty? Maybe you acted against your values. Angry? Perhaps there’s some underlying fear there. The same mechanism that allowed us to experience our fear and, in turn, spurred us to run from that tiger in prehistoric times is the very same mechanism by which we experience our emotions today. When we ignore, avoid, and defend against our feelings, we are denying our basic biology and birthright as human beings: the ability to use our emotions as messengers, guiding us toward situations and people that bring safety and joy, and away from those that don’t.

Therapy is like a massage for your mind: I invite you to get to know your emotional make up.  Working with me as your “mental masseuse”*, we explore what messages your emotions are sending you, and decide how you want to let them guide you. With you as the expert on “you”, combined with my background and training, we co-create a space for healing, insight, and evolution. Let’s get free.

*my therapy never involves actual massage or physical touch

About Therapy: Why the Butterfly?

People often ask why I include the butterfly image in my logo, or they assume it's just because I like butterflies. Well, I do like butterflies...but there’s also a little more to it. The word ‘psychology’, derived from ancient Greek, literally translates to 'the study of the soul', -psyche meaning ‘soul’, and -ology meaning ‘the study of’. Psyche, in Greek, also doubled as the word for butterfly; thus the butterfly and psychology became inextricably linked throughout time. I love the idea of the butterfly as it relates to psychology — a being limited to land undergoes a process of growth and transformation that ultimately frees it to fly. As a psychologist, I am honored to participate in your process of liberation.

Many people who come to therapy often feel limited in some way. Sometimes they have a clear idea of what is holding them back, or what needs to change. Other times they may be less clear, but simply have a nagging notion that something is “just not quite right”. However you come to therapy, we will study your soul together. Looking at everything that makes you you — your values, goals, memories, challenges, and dreams — we figure out what's working, and we work to change what's not. Similar to a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, parts of the process can feel unfamiliar, unknown, and uncomfortable. These feelings don’t necessarily signify that anything bad is happening, but rather that an important process is unfolding — a process that I support you in along the way.

The decision to come to therapy is a courageous one, and a deeply personal one. If I can answer any questions for you about therapy in general or my approach in particular, please don't hesitate to contact me. I look forward to speaking with you.